Updating you all on my three day driving vacation. We are hitting Oregon first to see my grandfather (momma j's father) since we neither of us have seen them for 10 yrs. I am proud to be able to do this now with my mother. I'm making her 20 year old wish come true to visit Cali again to see her family. She moved to MN about 20 years ago when my sister was 3 years old and left all of her family. Ironically my sister did that when she was 18 and went to WA and ended up having a baby and 2 more a few years later.
Needless to say I'm doing the same thing as you can tell by now if you've been following me since the "bottom". I dropped out of High School when I swore I wouldn't to both parents, but my father was the one that pushed me to finish and continue to college. Unfortunately I went my own route which to me made more sense since I've been independently alone doing my own thing to make a living. I enjoy it though and I'm happy going what I'm doing.
I was undecided and had no clue where I was going to go to college and I know I could always choose a major later, but I was a precise woman I wanted to go right into what I wanted and not waste any time taking classes that I didn't need. So this made me stressed out and carefree about showing up to school so I started slipping in school. With the intelligence level I have (so I think) I managed to pass each class on A's and B's. I was an unlucky individual unfortunately throughout my entire school career, because I was the one that had no friends really that were true to me or maybe it was just me being picky and choosy which I realized later in life (more recently though within 3 years) that I was really choosy at the last school I was at. Nothing went my way I wanted to be the center of attention (not in a snobby way), but I wanted something that made my day go by and ended with a smile. I was a very lazy person my high school years considering I only hung out with the pot heads and the people that liked to party to rap and get drunk. I always hung out with black people and I'm not trying to be racist of course considering who I am, I'm not just interested in IR in the industry. I prefer it in personal as well, because it's amazing honestly there's a different vibe for me with a strong black man than a white guy. Not saying I have a problem with white people oh man I am sounding like a racist or something haha.
I do however want to settle down one day, no rush.. I am enjoying my life right now I'm happy where everything is and how it's going. I am the kind of girl that wants to have kids and the white picket fence with a lab in the yard everyday and two little kids playing on swings. Of course, but I'm waiting considering birth control is the closest thing to me than anything else in the world haha, literally it's in my arm! I'm protected for the most part and of course I am sketched out a little about having sex on contract with a guy I've never met before. Who wouldn't? I'm saying however, I'm up for it. I want to be able to say I lived my life and I'm ready for anything (death) hopefully that doesn't happen for a long time there's so much to do in life and I want to do it all! I'm possibly going skydiving soon and it's my dream to do it and I think the people I'd be we're are the perfect individuals. I admire those all in my life that make a difference for me. I am not a negative person and I think it's been in my life so long that the energy bounced on me and made me a negative crabby person especially to my folks. This all makes sense to me now considering I say everything about me is focused on energy. I can be dominant when there's something that triggers it. As well as if I'm sad about nothing, it just means my energy level went really low.
I'm definitely one unique individual. I don't want anyone to think I'm doing this for the money which I think is a good point to come up with at this time considering I'm a porn star. If you really want to get to know me this is what I always say and this is my thought process. I'm always doing the once that is less hazardous to the other person such as if it would make them cry I stay away or if it made them mad.. So the "it" is my mindset that there's two types of people in the world.. Just like there is Marijuana haha. Well there's more types however remember I'm using a scenario linking them together so as one thing as one thing so for a the other. Like there's more types to people than the two I'm listing, but there's two main types of weed Indicate and Sativa. There's no label for my two types other than.. "The one or the 'other'" ("other" referring to the one over there other than the one that was over "here". Anyways, there's a person who dominant there's the other as the submissive. However one is not fun in that scenario without the other one.
So back to my thinking. Here's a scenario where I can show you so you get the idea of my process. People at school are mean to you and they're going behind your back talking shit such as someone is doing something in their home town that is provocative and explicit stuff even though it's now her career.. There's the people that knew about my situation and hated on me causing drama. I'm saying there's another type of person if knowing about the situation, but supported/did nothing to cause drama. In this situation I as a person could have stayed and put up with the constant whispers behind my back and pointed fingers at my head laughing or being disgusted in me.
I could have stayed and lived a miserable last year in high school, but instead I was the type that wanted a new start and beginning to life. I'm 18 and it's my turn to go out and explore the life outside if school for awhile. In the present time, because of this decision I'm feeling amazing and I'm always ridiculously smiling or laughing! This is how I reward myself after the life I've lived and I may talk about it a lot to my family, but I hope one day they understand I'm doing this to save them. Save them from troubles and worrying how much their next paycheck is and knowing if they could or couldn't pay for food that month, because of rent. My family is fed up with that life, so I figured I'm the only one right now that can make such a powerful difference that could accomplish such a dream to have my family in wealth. I'm going to share it with the loved ones in my life including those that have been so close to me in my lifetime making such a mental difference on me such as making me to the person I am.
I enjoy every waking day if my life right now and I only dream it gets better! I can only imagine going up from here obviously we all want to go up from the position we're especially if we have been kicked down for a long time. It's relieving to be able to give my mother this opportunity to go to Oregon to see her father that we haven't seen since my mother was married. In all it's been 10 years, but my mother hasn't been "Home" for 20 years. I wish I could have brought my sister and her family with us so we can all be in one place at one time, but on my side of the world. I enjoy making my family happy as much as I can and as much as what's accepted too. My family is pretty stubborn so there's always shaky moments at the beginning if vacations, because my mother tends to go overboard which is better safe than sorry. Logical to me of course no argument there mother lol. I am over enjoyed to have my mother in California enjoying herself and having a blast, because I know she's with someone she loves. He's a great guy for her and he's there for her right now which replaced me since I wanted to go out and make my own life. Every once in a while I'd think I was taking care of her. I was always home with my mom or I always chose her over others. We have our fits like everyone, but with us it's so natural we go back to normal in 5 minutes. It's just the way we became and now it can't stop. That's why I'm happy I'm the one who got to bring her out to Cali for the first time in so long. It means so much to me, because she's been looking so forward to this trip she's been planning it for weeks! It makes me feel so good that her and her man are giddy. I want that every time with everyone, because I'm that kind of person. That's my goal. Giving a helping hand to those that need it when they need it. Be greedy! Why? I'd rather walk by a homeless man on my street and give him an iced tea with fruit and attempt to give him a blanket and actually buy it for him, but he's nowhere to be found when he really needed it cause the main reason you asked him what he wanted to eat for warmth and health was for the shiver you got. Realizing he's probably been out in the cold longer and it took one shiver to make me freezing ice. I'm that kind of person. I am that person. I made him happy. That's all I cared about, besides his health. That's all I care about with my family besides the whole package lol, I enjoy making them happy and healthy. Keeping them off the streets is all I need.
Thanks for reading and you know I love you ALL so much. I appreciate you all supporting me and making my life this way, without you I would have nothing. Please take note, I'm always happy to make my fans happy!
 |